This might end up being one of the most critical moment in my life; the moment when I finally decide what my dreams are and chase them.
I apologize in advance that this might end up being written in a story format but what can I say I am a storyteller at heart. I would also like to make a disclaimer that this post is purely my opinion and is not factual and as such shouldn't be taken as one. This piece is going to be split into two parts, the first part is the problem and the second part is the potential solution. I say potential because I am testing it out and I am not 100% sure it would work but I am a woman of faith none the less. Past I have recently graduated (well not technically, my graduation is in 3 weeks) and I am frequently asked the same questions: "What are you doing now?" "Where do you see yourself in a couple of years time? "Are you going back to Nigeria?" Mostly from well wishers and I often feel ashamed that I just don't know anymore. What happens when you realize your dream is not exactly how you pictured it and although you are lucky to have a taste of it, you are even more lost than ever? I don't know if it is reality sinking in or just the initiation that comes with coming of age but this isn't what I imagined my life to be like at 21. I guess you are wondering what my dream is and to be honest I just want to help a lot of people and I have a billion (maybe this is a slight exaggeration but you get the point) ideas of how I want to achieve them but I am unsure of the particular path I need to take. I am quite skeptical of charities and their potential impact and I'm scared if I end up taking the politics route I might lose myself, so you can imagine my predicament. The last question to me is actually the most painful and it is painful because I love Nigeria with all my heart and it hurts me to see how my country is. Do I want to go back? Yes but what will I go back to? The economy right now is not the best and everyone I speak to is complaining about how tough the country is and to be honest I don't want to stay in the UK. I am not saying this because I think UK is a bad country but my heart lies with Nigeria and my desire is to see it grow and flourish. The UK has taught me almost everything I know and has probably had a greater impact on the kind of woman I am today as I have lived in the UK most of my life. However the way things are looking, I might end up having to stay here longer than I expected. I was talking to my best friend the other day and I was telling her I feel like I identify very heavily with being an immigrant as I feel stateless. Stateless in the sense that I don't particularly want to be in the UK because my passion as I mentioned earlier is to be part of Nigeria's development story, however I can't go to Nigeria right now because circumstances will not permit me. I often wonder whether if I would end up changing things.... Solution So I recently went to a talk about extremism in the UK and youth activism and I asked one of the speakers this question: "Extremism and racism has always existed but has just evolved over the years, do you think that we would ever get to a point in society where we are truly diverse with no racism and if not what is even the point of trying?" The question was quite pessimistic I know but as I said earlier I am unsure about the impact of things and the potential change I could make. Her answer however changed my life, I know it sounds dramatic but it changed my perspective of things. She said: "To tell you the honest truth I don't think that we would ever leave in such a society and it's probably because I am a realist and there are times I feel like there is no point trying. However I have come to appreciate the small changes, even if it is just me changing someone's perspective I am happy with that" The key message I got from her response was to not ignore the small impacts I make. I often like to think big and dream big but I can't despise my humble beginnings. Reflecting upon that I realize I have made a lot of impact in my small little ways, whether it is by just being open minded in a debate with someone, or sharing my passion for Nigeria with others or the various projects I have done through creative outlets, my career or research. I came to an epiphany that I have been a little harsh on myself and guess had too much expectations that I couldn't live up to. I am still not 100% sure about my dream or the path I am going to take but all I am sure of is that I would make peace with what my present situation is and not fret about the future. I guess life is a journey and it is OK for me to not 100% know where I will be in 5 years and to be honest who really knows? Life happens sometimes and throws us off but I won't give up my dream to help those that are marginalized and I will achieve it one small step at a time. Wish me luck! Steph
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